small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
