maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
