so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
