Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
