I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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