hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
