no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
