You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
