I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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