why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize