nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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