Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize