and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
