Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
