just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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