Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
