He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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