The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
