I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
