So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
