haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
