so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
