What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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