the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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