Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
