Umm I'm too high to move.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
