Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize