i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
