Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
