Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
