Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
