i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
