thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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