It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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