I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
