I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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