I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
