her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
