I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
