I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
