Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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