whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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