i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
