Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
