I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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