I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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