If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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