Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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