A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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