the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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