if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
