he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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