her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
