Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
