My sheets look like a crime scene.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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