That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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