so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Two words: nipple clamps
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