I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
