you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
