Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
