elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize