you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
