im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
smell my finger.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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