Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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