I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
