I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
