can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
