I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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