8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
