The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
