I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
