how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
