you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
